On Losing The Plot And Finding It Again

Sometimes, even when we have everything planned out, the story we’re telling changes shape beneath our hands. Often, we spend a long time (too long) telling ourselves we’re embracing these changes while clinging white-knuckled to patterns from our past.

When we accept it’s time to start fresh, to rewrite the narrative and carry forward only that which truly belongs in the next chapter… that is when true alchemy happens.

Me, me, me

Over the last couple of years, my own story has twisted more times than I can count.

In 2022, I published the first book in the spicy romance series (The Phoenix Prophecy) that would go on to quite literally change my life.

That book, Nova, hit nearly 1,000 pre-orders before I’d even finished writing it and has since sold nearly 100,000 copies.

In March 2023, I stopped ghostwriting and editing to focus solely on my own books.

Then in July 2023, because of the courage these books gave me, I left my marriage.

We had been together nearly twelve years, and the relationship was damaging me in ways I didn’t even understand at the time I left. In the initial months after leaving, I experienced a burst of energy. I thought the hard part was over because I’d said the words, “I want a divorce.”

But emotionally, physically (because I have a chronic pain condition) and financially, the impact of those words was far greater than I’d anticipated. In truth, if I’d known how hard it was going to be, I might not have found the nerve to go through with it.

I cannot even begin to explain how thankful I am that I did go through with it. That past me found the courage to make a decision future me is now reaping the benefits of.

But it was hard.

Why am I being so open about this?

Firstly, because I believe my readers deserve honesty from me, and part of what I want to do here on Substack is change the way I communicate with those who support my writing the most.

While I don’t believe it’s always necessary to justify our creative decisions to our readership, and fully support authors who want to protect certain aspects of their personal lives, in this instance I want to share.

I have some loyal, supportive, amazing fans who have stuck with me over the last eighteen months through the turbulence of my publishing schedule. And I want them to know they can trust me when I say things are going to get better.

Secondly, I want to be open and honest because there is a tendency in the world of indie publishing to show up when we’re doing well and to disappear when things are not going well.

Admitting we are not continuing to rise, rise, rise can feel shameful and embarrassing. It can also feel as if admitting weakness will perpetuate a downward spiral.

So, we stay quiet. Which creates a vicious cycle where no one shares the truth about the rollercoaster of sustaining a creative career because everyone thinks everyone else is smashing it.

The truth about the last eighteen months

To get through the divorce, I had to go back to ghostwriting work and take on other paid writing projects. Having celebrated loudly about achieving full-time author status and not needing to ghostwrite anymore, it was hard not to feel embarrassed about this.

So, instead of putting a pause on my own books for a year, which is what I’d have done with the benefit of hindsight, I tried to carry on as normal.

Tried to produce more words, more stories, more books all while completely ignoring the emotional and physical struggles I was going through. Disregarding the fact that I was trying to parent my beautiful son through his emotions, trying to heal myself, and the very practical issue of trying to find somewhere to live.

Frankly, I had no creative bandwidth for my own work. But I wouldn’t fess up to it. Even to myself.

I tried to push through, I extended deadlines, pushed back pre-orders, started new projects thinking the problem was that the old projects weren’t exciting enough or to-market enough or spicy enough, and I completely burned myself out.

A clean break

Then in June this year, on my birthday, having not released a book of my own for over twelve months, I broke my ankle.

Although this was, on the surface of it, the absolute worst thing that could have happened when I was just starting to feel like myself again, it turned out to be exactly what I needed; three months of enforced house-rest and plenty of time to purge some old patterns.

A time when I was quite literally forced to sit in my feelings and deal with them.

It was swampy, and horrible, and painful. It made everything worse. Until it made it better.

What now?

I am emerging from the swamp stronger, more tenacious, and with a clarity and calmness in my life that I have never experienced before. A big part of what helped me get here has been brutal honesty.

Which means letting go of a few projects you are all waiting for — even though I feel horribly guilty doing so.

In practical terms, this means the second and third books in the Luna series are on hiatus. I truly hope to finish them one day, but it was a series I started at a very difficult time in my post-marriage recovery and — being completely frank with you — I am finding it very hard, now I’m in such a different place, to go back into Luna’s world and create there.

I have written 80% of book two, but it is not good enough for me to share with you. You deserve better. So, until I can give that to you, it’s going to be put on pause.

The same goes for the Bound and Freed series.

I hope to be able to merge these books and extend Gliana’s story to complete them as one standalone novel, but I will not do this until I know I can do it to the standard you deserve.

Which leaves us with Nova… the woman who gave me the confidence to finally take myself seriously and to make this huge change in my life.

I will always be so incredibly proud of The Phoenix Prophecy series. Nova and her guys will live in my heart forever, and I will continue to market the series to new readers. However, I need something fresh. I need more creative freedom than being tied into one sub-genre or universe.

No, seriously, what now?!

In this new era of my life, I truly believe I need to focus on giving you incredible stories that I am passionate about. Stories that set my heart on fire and consume every waking moment of my life because I love them so much. Not the stories I think I need to write in order to try and recapture the success of a book I wrote three years ago.

So, THAT is what’s coming next.

Outstanding stories, unforgettable romance, Cara Clare spice, and twists you won’t see coming.

From now on, I’ll be publishing just two stand alone novels a year.

They will be bigger books than normal, released in February and August, and will have bold, awesome marketing campaigns that will leave you drooling.

I am truly excited to bring you all with me on this new phase of my author journey.

Those who are new here… welcome. Those who’ve been here since the start, I want to thank you for being a part of what has been the most tumultuous but incredible period in my life.

Next year, I turn forty

My next book will be my 40th novel. That feels like fate to me. I’ll be announcing the title in two weeks, and I can’t remember the last time I got chills thinking about a title reveal.

I honestly can’t wait to share the story behind my next story.

Stay Smutty,

Cara x